Twitterpated
by Iscah McKrae
Summary: Pure JavaJunkie fluff with slight Lit overtones. One-shot. Same storyverse as Pay the Piper but considerably in the future. Lorelai finds out about Jessica - banter ensues.


_A/N: __**This is pure JavaJunkie fluff (my first attempt at JavaJunkie…Oh-so-much fun!). It takes place in the same storyverse as "Pay the Piper." Eventually, I may incorporate it into the body of the story (PtP or its sequel/s), but for now, it's just a fun one-shot. This is for all of you PtP readers who are so anxious for Stars Hollow and a certain little girl to become connected. Technically speaking, Jessica doesn't appear in this story - nor does Jess, or anyone, for that matter, except Luke and Lorelai, but…well, you'll see. It does explain, though, why the two worlds are not yet colliding in the main part of PtP. I had so much fun writing this!**_

_**I hope you like it!**_

_**Twitterpated**_

Lorelai came bursting into the diner just before closing. Kirk was home sick, so the diner was actually empty for a change. Luke had started wiping down tables early, so he was standing only a few feet from the door when the bell above the door rang a half-a-second before Lorelai's sing-song voice chimed in.

"So, Jess has a kid!" she accused, triumphantly. Though how exactly this could be an accusation against Luke was a mystery, her tone unmistakably turned her statement into an accusation…so did her jabbing forefinger.

"Yes," Luke confirmed, looking up at her with an unreadable, though not unpleasant expression, before continuing to wipe down tables. She followed him to the next table, continuing the interrogation.

"You knew Jess had a kid!" Her heels clacked on the floor as she scurried to keep up with him, jabbing her finger in his face.

"Yes," he repeated, pushing her finger out of the way with four of his own and continuing to wipe the table in front of him.

"You knew and you didn't tell me!" She scurried once again, following so closely that she ran into him when he stopped abruptly and turned to look at her.

"It wasn't for me to tell," he looked at her seriously, apprehension clouding his eyes.

"So, it was _Rory's_ to tell?" she asked coyly, turning the tables on him. Luke sighed.

"Don't think that-" Luke stopped himself, sighing quickly with clenched jaws. "I would've told you, Lorelai. If I could have, I would have told you." They both knew what he wasn't saying. _This isn't like April. It's not the same thing._

"But, you had a debilitating attack of laryngitis! And since your sign language skills were _so_ rusty, and all the pens in the world had run out of ink and all the pencils were broken-you were at a loss!" Lorelai mocked, blithely. "…and chalk-and paint - it was all dry! And morse code! How did they keep you from using morse code!" she demanded.

"Do you _know_ morse code?"

"So not the point!"

"Jess had to tell Rory himself," Luke said deliberately. "But, he and Rory weren't on speaking terms. He knew if anyone in Stars Hollow knew, Rory would hear it from someone else, and she'd be hurt. So I promised to keep my mouth shut."

"I get that, Luke," Lorelai assured him, seriously. "You did the right thing. I was just trying to have fun with it," she said, lightening her tone at the last few words, smiling at him hopefully, and lightly batting his arm.

"Okay," Luke nodded with a slow grin. He picked up the dishrag again and began to wipe, giving her silent permission to resume her teasing. He was playing along.

"So, have you met this kid?" she asked, eagerly.

"Uh-huh," he nodded, moving the ketchup and salt and pepper shakers out of the way.

"Two syllables! Now we're gettin' somewhere!" she jibed. "When? When did you meet her? _With luck, this should coax a few more syllables out of him,"_ she added the commentary as an aside to an invisible audience.

"Awhile ago." He finished wiping tables and began putting chairs on top of them, causing Lorelai to do more acrobatics, dodging them while scampering hither and yon trying to talk to his face instead of his back.

"_More syllables, less information!_" she announced. "Define 'awhile ago.'"

"Few months."

"_Less syllables, more information!_" He glared at her pointedly. "What?" He walked around her without a word to go to the next table and continue chair-stowing. "What's she like?" Lorelai beamed, eyes sparkling.

"Small," Luke deadpanned.

"_Luke!_" Lorelai groaned, wanting a real answer this time. Luke paused, turning and leaning against the table that was now behind him, hands grasping it so they wouldn't have to find something to do with themselves.

"She's-" he shifted shoulders slightly, and his head bobbed, while his mouth twitched around, trying not to smile.

"You _like_ this little girl!" Lorelai beamed, surprised, but finding his usual awkwardness particularly adorable. Luke did the Luke equivalent of blushing and had more difficulty with his mouth, and even began staring at the floor. Lorelai gaped openly. "Oh, my goodness! You _love_ this little girl!…Luke!"

"I-" he shuffled his feet around, "She-" Usually his monosyllables conveyed entire thoughts, but he seemed to be more tongue-tied than monosyllabic. Lorelai bit her lower lip while smiling, finding tongue-tied Luke so cute she almost squealed, until he tried to glare at her again. She cleared her throat, putting on an air of stilted propriety.

"So…you have a great niece," she remarked, enunciating precisely, standing straight with her chin raised in the air.

"Grandpa…" he mumbled almost incoherently, while keeping his eyes on the floor.

"You have a grandpa? He must be quite elderly by now, and…isn't that changing the subject? I thought we were talking about-"

"She calls me…" he corrected, but trailed off with a vague gesture without completing the sentence. Lorelai gasped.

"_Really? _Whose idea was that?" Suddenly, Lorelai wasn't teasing anymore - just curious. Luke's arms began swinging nervously at his sides.

"Um…when Jess…uh…introduced me, he-" Luke nodded significantly, finishing the thought. Lorelai's head dipped, and she stared Luke in the eyes.

"_Wow_…" she breathed. "Luke," she said softly, a bittersweet smile on her face, "that _really_ says a lot." She knew how much this would mean to him - the wounds from all the years of self-chastisement this could help to heal. It was all reflected in the sad eyes with the _I understand_ smile that Lorelai gave in this fragment of time to the man she loved. Luke nodded. The lump in his throat would permit nothing else.

"So," she said, brightening her tone and her expression to bring back the lighthearted mood she'd left off a few moments before, "you're a grandpa! Suddenly, I feel so old!" she said with a grimace, then switched, "No - _you're_ the grandpa! I'm still just a mom, and moms can be young! But, I'm dating a grandpa! Eww! Luke, we might have to break up, 'cause that's just gross!"

"Lorelai!"

"By the way, when do I get to meet this girl? Seeing as how we're practically related," Lorelai continued without missing a beat.

"You're-?" Luke was falling behind.

"Hello! I'm dating her grandpa! We're gonna be related!" Lorelai waved her hands around and did a little dance with this one.

"Well, if you're related to her, you _do_ know that means-" Luke began.

"_Oh-ho, no! _That's another reason we're breaking up!" Lorelai interjected.

"You're gonna hafta stop hating him someday," Luke warned, still bantering lightly, but a bit more serious on this point. He put the last chair onto the last table. He hated the fact that Lorelai still couldn't stand his nephew.

"My mortal enemy? My sworn nemesis?" she shouted in mock-horror, "_Never!_ He shall taste my sword! I shall-" she began in grandiose tones of knighthood and valor, while following Luke to the door, where he switched the "Open" sign to "Closed."

"No battles to the death!" Luke interrupted, warning darkly, with furrowed eyebrows. He made his way to the register, and started counting that day's earnings.

"But-" Lorelai began, petulantly, pulling out a couple of tens and putting them in the fives slot, and a couple of twenties and putting them with the ones. Luke tilted his head to one side with an _I still cannot believe you_ expression, removing her hand and placing it firmly on the counter, as if she were five…which…her pouty lip and fluttering innocent baby blues confirmed.

"_You_ cannot die, because then I'd have to kill myself. And _he_ has a kid to raise," Luke explained, as if Lorelai was actually going to pull out a white glove to smack in Jess' face, challenging him to a duel.

"But that would be _so_ Romeo and Juliet! But, I think that would make me Romeo, wouldn't it? And that would make Jess… Who is Bernardo in Romeo and Juliet anyway?" Lorelai was looking intently at the ceiling, and Luke was wondering how many times Lorelai would make him lose count and have to start over. "Chino! I meant Chino!…and who would that make Bernardo…Ooh, Liz!" Lorelai was cracking herself up now. "Which means Bernardo is actually Chino's mom! Who knew? Besides, what does Jess having to raise a kid have to do with _me_ not being allowed to die? Sometimes you don't make any sense, Luke."

"_I don't-!" _Luke began, as if about to burst a blood vessel - then, suddenly looked down with a sigh, slamming his fist onto the counter.

"Lost count again?" Lorelai asked innocently. Luke leveled a death glare at her. "Watch where you point those things, mister!" Lorelai said, pointing…closer and closer until the tip of her finger reached the tip of his nose. She found her hand back on the counter again.

"So, why is Jessica, Jessica?" Lorelai changed the subject with all the grace of a hippo doing ballet.

"Who else should she be?" Luke asked in a monotone, having begun counting the ones again.

"No, I mean, why was she _named_ Jessica?" Lorelai clarified. "Sheesh, you're slow!"

"I don't know," Luke answered truthfully.

"You mean, you didn't ask?" Lorelai stared at him incredulously. Did this man not have an inquisitive bone in his body?

"Why?" Luke looked at her. Why was everybody always so nosy?

"Be_cause_-" Lorelai paused for a moment, and then shook her head rapidly. How was this even a question that required answering? She knew she wasn't getting anywhere with this, though. She'd just have to find that one out some other way. "So, is she like a little Jess? - Ha! Friendly Persuasion!" she laughed, catching her own unintentional reference.

"And you say _I_ don't make sense!" Luke huffed. Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him.

"Is Jessica like Jess? Other part, not important," she clarified, suddenly feeling very Roryesque. It was exactly what Rory would have said. She was sure of it.

"Umm…I guess. She's uh…quiet," Luke began.

"And has a penchant for lawn gnomes," Lorelai interrupted. She was sorry, because it seemed to derail Luke, and she really did want to hear this. "Sorry. She's quiet," she tried to un-derail.

"And she looks kind of like him," he continued.

"Poor kid," she muttered, mentally kicking herself. _Tourette's, I have tourette's!_

"She's sweet," Luke said. Lorelai gagged herself in an attempt to keep from denying anyone who was sweet could possibly be the child of, or for that matter, any relation to Jess whatsoever…her own dear diner boy, excluded, of course…at least most of the time. The attempt actually did succeed, however, because Luke had a faraway look in his eye, and bowed his head with a smile that betrayed just what a soft spot he had for this particular variety of sweetness.

"Looks like Grandpa's sweet on Jessica," Lorelai teased, gently.

"Lorelai! That's-" Luke began, uncomfortably.

"It's just cute!" Lorelai corrected. "It's just really, really cute!" She loved seeing him like this. And the evil part of her loved seeing how much it made him squirm to see how much she loved seeing him like this.

"I'm glad you're enjoying this," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, I am! There's a little, tiny girl who's got you just completely wrapped around her finger!" she grinned.

"I am not-" Luke hesitated, scratching the back of his head, trying to look upset, but there was a grin trying so hard to escape that he could barely contain it into a smirk, and he loosened the collar of his t-shirt as if it were suddenly tight. "Maybe a little," he conceded in such a low monotone mutter that Lorelai thought she had imagined it for a moment.

"You just admitted that-" her mouth dropped open in shock. For a split second, Lorelai Gilmore was actually speechless. "You are _soooo _twitterpated! Ohhh, my goodness! Fifty shades of red!" Lorelai was now literally bent at a 90-degree angle in laughter, while pointing at a highly discomfited Luke. "I'm _so_ telling April on you! And me! I'm telling me on you! Wow, this is getting confusing-"

"Lorelai!" Luke objected, loudly. "This isn't-It's . . . She's just-" he spluttered, starting off irritated, and ending up with that same befuddled look of unsuccessfully squelched happiness on his face. "You'll see," he assured her with a gleam in his eye.

"I'll see?" Lorelai questioned, with a puzzled look. Luke gave a small nod, and the unspoken _when you meet her_ filtered through. "WHEN?" Lorelai squealed, jumping up and down in a small frenzy, "When will I see?"

Luke knew from long experience that when Lorelai reached a fever pitch of anticipation, mountains were likely to start moving.

"I dunno," he said, knowing full well this wouldn't be the end of it. Lorelai's jaw dropped open in the prelude to a pout. "Ask Rory!" he suggested. "She's got a lot more pull with the people who could make 'you'll see' happen."

"People? Jess is people now? Has he been cloned? Or twinned! Maybe he's been twinned! Ooh - scary thought!" Lorelai continued to babble, completely ignoring the dizzy look on Luke's face.

"Huh?"

"You're the one who got me started on sci-fi! Chrichton! Oh, never mind," Lorelai gave up trying to catch Luke up and just plowed ahead eagerly, "If Jess has been twinned, then you and Rory can each work on one of him! I'm sure things will go much faster that way."

Luke turned walked past her and locked the door, then back behind the counter and up the stairs.

" . . . Luke! . . . _Luke!"_

He reached the top of the stairs and flipped a switch. The diner was suddenly pitch black.

"_Luke!"_

_**A/N: **__Please review…even if you think it's complete drivel, or you want to point out ten million mistakes. Silence makes me very nervous._


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